Stop comparing yourself: A letter to me, from me

Stop comparing yourself to other people.

You are beautiful as you are – just the way you should be.

Remember that time in elementary school when you were squatting down to look at something, and you thought you were fat because your thighs looked “wide” in that position? That’s what happens when you have muscle that presses up against other muscle. You are made of skin and bone and flesh, this substance will flatten out when pressed against other matter. So your friends’ legs don’t look as wide. So what? Their bodies will never be like yours and they shouldn’t. How terribly boring would this planet be if we all looked exactly alike? And even if you had wider thighs than them, again: So what? This doesn’t make them better than you, or more interesting, or more beautiful.

Remember that time you went and saw that musical and the lead actress was so very talented, and it made you feel less talented just by watching her? You aren’t. One person’s talent does not make you less talented. It does not affect your level of talent at all. You have no affect on how talented the other person is or is not; and vice versa. Remember this when you go to your next audition. One flower may be beautiful, but that flower’s beauty does not mean other flowers are not also just as beautiful.

Remember when you ran your first 5K? It wasn’t as fast as your sister’s time, but it didn’t need to be. You did the thing. Had you trained for as long as she had? No way. Did you feel amazing afterwards just for completing the run? Absolutely. Did you end up running another 5K, time and time again, sometimes beating your own previous time? Yes! One person’s speed does not make you slow, nor does it make you lazy, or unhealthy. You make and set your own pace and should not focus on that of others. Your pace is what matters.

Remember when you went to try on your first bathing suit and it didn’t feel right because you didn’t have the hourglass figure you thought you were supposed to have? This doesn’t make you less of a woman. Your body is your body. You can’t change how wide set your ribs are and how your stomach rolls appear when you sit down. Your body is beautiful because it’s yours, and it works, and it helps you and heals you and protects you. Be grateful to your body for all that it does to keep you alive.

Remember when you wanted to be blonde? You tried using sun-in in your hair in middle school and it turned your hair a funny shade of orangeish-brown. You ended up really wanting highlights in high school, but never got them, because a) they were expensive, and b) you had other things on your mind (relationships, friendships, choir, etc.). You ended up remembering high school as some of the best years of your life because you focused more on the things you loved – not obsessing over your appearance.

Remember when you struggled with math? You felt that you weren’t smart because you saw some peers doing exceedingly well in class and passing with As every semester. You passed, too, but Bs and Cs weren’t good enough. You felt foolish because concentrating on numbers and doing head math didn’t come easy to you. You didn’t realize then that not being a mathematical genius did not make you a failure in academics. You ended up obtaining two degrees (a Bachelor’s and a Master’s) and are still learning, even as an adult. You have taught both in the US as well as abroad, and continue to act as a leader in your community. You are intelligent.

Remember when you were happy?

You chose to let go of worrying about what others thought of you. How you looked, how you sang, how you moved, how you were clumsy and bumped into walls, how you spoke, how you flirted, how you did your hair, how you made your art, how you lived your life. You live every day according to what makes you happy, what fills your cup, and what makes you feel alive. You’ve stopped comparing yourself to others and began to love the person you came to be.

You are perfect and you are as you should be.